Saturday, September 27, 2014

Break my heart... Again.

I've always had this very bad habit of putting my full trust in people.
I mean... 100%. All in. Trust you with my life.
And then I wonder why I'm consistently let down.
It's not that I WANT to be hurt... I just feel that it's my job to forgive and forget, and move on... It's God's job to work on the other party.

I have a friend.
I love her as much as my own family.
I adore her family. When I was single we did everything together.
I would get up. Drive to her house some mornings.. Drink coffee. Drive back home. Shower.. Head off to work. Leave work. Head to her house. Eat dinner. Watch a movie. Fall asleep on her couch. Wake up at 2 am. Drive home. And repeat the process.
I did this for three years.
We're close.

Then I met my husband.
Of course my spare time changed. He lived about 30 minutes away, so I was almost never at her house anymore.

That's been three years.
She and I don't speak now.
I don't know why.

I have tried countless times to contact her. I gave up right before I found out I was pregnant. Something she has struggled with her whole life, like myself.

The week I delivered I had to contact her. I had gone through my entire pregnancy alone. Something she should have been there for.
I got ahold of her after days of trying.
She was going to come to the hospital.
That was nine months ago.
She's never met my son.
I cry when I think about it.

I contacted her last weekend.
We were going to get together for dinner.
I made a chicken.

I'm still waiting.

I'm not angry.
Not at all.
I love her.

I'm just so sad.

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