Thursday, September 11, 2014

An open letter to parents who have been there:

I'm a first time mom.
I jump at every sound he makes.
I cry inside every time he cries.
My heart swells every time I look at him.
Every time.
I try and catch him every time he falls.
For this I will not apologize.

Please stop giving me That Look.
You know full well which one.
That condescending smile that you keep hidden until you see me pick him up at the first whimper.
Then I hear it.
That sickening Bless Her Heart statement that follows.
"Oh how cute. A first time mom"
This is either followed by a sneer or a story.
"When my children were small..."
"Oh honey, by the time you have two or three.. You won't even care that the pacifier landed on the floor. You'll pick it up and shove it in his mouth"
Then I constantly hear this:
"Changing his diaper again??"
(This one baffles me. Who let's any kid sit in a soiled diaper??)
"You shouldn't pick him up every time he cries"
"You're still breastfeeding?"
"Why don't you give him a bottle?"
"You should get a babysitter. That way he will get used to other people." (Hi. Are YOU going to pay for one??)
"You shouldn't jump on every cry. Let him fuss."
"You're just a first time mom. You'll learn"

Here's the thing.
I can ignore comments. It's easy for me.
But these comments come from other parents.
Parents that at one time were first time parents.
How can you not remember how new it all was.
You were in my shoes.
You had the same fears.
People spoke to you the same way that you are now speaking to me.
Did you like that?
Did it make your parenting journey any easier?

I'm sick of it.
People telling me that I'll get over "it" by the time the next one comes along.
Guess what?
There is no next one.
There wasn't supposed to be THIS one.
My God blessed me huge.
Every Dr I had seen said good luck. No babies for you.
I relive that joy of hearing the words... "Congratulations! You're out of the first trimester. You'll probably carry to term" everyday when I see my son smile.
Folks, I'm going on 35. I'm done having babies.
This is my first and last.
Let me do it my way.
I've never complained that he's crying.
I just pick him up and love on him. Because babies don't cry for no reason.
He can't tell me what's wrong. If my hug makes him happy... Then a hug he gets.

Next time you see a young mom struggling with a needy baby, or a baby that bumped his noggin, or a baby trying to walk and she's hovering...
Let her.
Quit that garbage smile you're about to pull out.
Bite that tongue.
And remember when you were that parent.

Because all parents were first time parents.


  1. Love it! I was a first time parent 3 times. All 3 of were completely different and looking back I am glad because it kept me on my toes. I know that I still have no clue what I am doing and I am fine with it. They are all alive and happy. Can't ask for anything more :)

  2. I was a first time parent 3 times! Each and every child was different and mine and like you I was blessed to have them.