Friday, November 21, 2014

Keep your creepy Elf.

That's right. No Elf on any shelf of this house.
Because. Mom said so.
The end all of answers.
For real though..
You invite a creepy little boy doll into your house. The parents have to make him do stupid things for weeks.. And hide the fact that they are the ones behind the mischief, mind you.
Just so your bratty kid behaves for a month?
How about we teach our children the real meaning of Christmas? That no scary man dressed in blood red, squeezes down our chimneys and eats our cookies. Leaving behind the exact thing we wanted.. Or worse, leaving behind the second thing we wanted? Forgetting the one thing that we HAD TO HAVE.. Because, frankly it cost too damn much and Santa just doesn't have it to spend this year.
So instead of teachable parent moments you go get this creepy little guy, who looks like he stepped out of a 60's horror movie.. And you hide him and tell your kids he's watching them. And if they do anything remotely kid-like... He's going to report to the man in red.
Then what mom?
Just.. No Christmas this year?
What parent out there had a bad day with a kid.. And told them the elf-boy was watching.. And the kid threw the smack down for like ten minutes.. So the parent said "You know what? The elf is going to tell Santa tonight. Christmas is off." Then the parent actually canceled Christmas.
Please. If you know of someone who has actually followed through with this.. I beg of you to tell me.
Because, no.
No parent has actually stood by and shut down Christmas because a DOLL watched your kid be bad.
And let's look at it from your child's point of view..
I'm not even going to get into the lie that is Santa.. Let's just assume that you've scarred your child for life with this crazy scheme that helps no one..
So. This elf shows up one day in December. You know it's December because Mom has had the tree up for three weeks, and you're stuck wearing red and green to school every day.
Now here's this elf.
This creepy little doll is going to be hiding out watching your every move until Christmas day.
Watching you.
And you never know where he's going to turn up.
Can he get into the bathroom??
Can he watch you poop???
Oh heavens.. Please don't tell me he's in the closet.
Great. Now your kid doesn't sleep until January AFTER he has seen you pack up the ugly doll and put it in the attic..
So.. Now you're not allowed to mess up.
Have a bad day?
Don't pout...
The elf is watching..
Oh, don't worry.. he can see your mom have a melt down and scream at everyone in the house.. But your mom is too old to get shiny presents from Santa.. So he can't tell on her.
Nope. Just you.
I'm sorry.. Do the makers of this garbage even have kids? Because, even the best behaved toddler in the world tends to have a meld down of sorts when he's sleepy..
Your stupid "Cute" Christmas tradition has taken over my Facebook newsfeed.
I just don't care that you stayed up all night to conger up some "funny" adult themed party scene with hot tubs and Barbies.. I'm sick of seeing this stupid little guy, lying to kids.

Instead of buying in to the garbage that fills our TV's and shop windows this year.. Buy into Luke 2:1-20. Go on and read that for your Christmas story.

1 comment:

  1. yo. i have had a lot of questions about this elf in the past few years, because i just don't get it. also being incredibly paranoid as a child and adult, i find it very nervous-making that any entity could be watching and waiting for you to do X so that they can do Z. thankfully, i have never had any interactions with this elf, as i do not have little people. but THIS YEAR i have a niece. a brand new one. and my mother sells many flavors of this elf in her store. so i feel like the elf will be coming up possibly as soon as next year. What if i get questions about him and his voyeuristic ways? I am also curious about whether he watches us poop like some creepy peeping tom or can i feel safe that the bathroom is the one place that's off limits? and if so, if i'm a kid, i'm definitely now planning to do all my little kid badness in there. So, what say you? how does a mother of a small human handle it?