I have never been in more pain.

So... You've probably read my breastfeeding brag post. I'm very very happy that we've made it nine months with no problems. Talk about blessed!
I look back on the last nine months with a smile in my heart...
And a massive ache in my boob.
Oh my word.
I think I'm dying.
We woke up on Saturday morning with what I call a "sour" feeling on my right breast. Yeast infection. I knew it before I even rolled out of bed. Then Kenny rolled over and latched on... THAT confirmed it! Whew! What pain!!!
Being the weekend, I just sucked it up.
So much pain. But life goes on.
I called the dr Monday morning and called in my pill.
Then came the lump.
Oh man.
Small at first... Size of a grape maybe.
I rubbed on it to get it to break up... Thought it did.
I guess it just moved.
Because I've got a lump the size of a tennis ball in my shirt.
Y'all.
I never knew boobs could hurt like this.
I have done everything to get this thing to move.
Feeding like crazy.
Scalding hot water for as long as I can stand.
Hearing pad.
Massage.
Nothing is working.
So I just cry when Kenny eats.
Any advice?

Break my heart... Again.

I've always had this very bad habit of putting my full trust in people.
I mean... 100%. All in. Trust you with my life.
And then I wonder why I'm consistently let down.
It's not that I WANT to be hurt... I just feel that it's my job to forgive and forget, and move on... It's God's job to work on the other party.

I have a friend.
I love her as much as my own family.
I adore her family. When I was single we did everything together.
Totally.
I would get up. Drive to her house some mornings.. Drink coffee. Drive back home. Shower.. Head off to work. Leave work. Head to her house. Eat dinner. Watch a movie. Fall asleep on her couch. Wake up at 2 am. Drive home. And repeat the process.
I did this for three years.
We're close.

Then I met my husband.
Of course my spare time changed. He lived about 30 minutes away, so I was almost never at her house anymore.

That's been three years.
She and I don't speak now.
I don't know why.

I have tried countless times to contact her. I gave up right before I found out I was pregnant. Something she has struggled with her whole life, like myself.

The week I delivered I had to contact her. I had gone through my entire pregnancy alone. Something she should have been there for.
I got ahold of her after days of trying.
She was going to come to the hospital.
That was nine months ago.
She's never met my son.
I cry when I think about it.

I contacted her last weekend.
We were going to get together for dinner.
I made a chicken.

I'm still waiting.

I'm not angry.
Not at all.
I love her.

I'm just so sad.

Time for a break :)

Kenny was finally feeling pretty good today.
I was finally feeling pretty good today!
But we had to go drop 100+ on a dang car tag #sadface
Since we were headed into town, I decided to run into the gas station to pick up my box of Spark that I had won (review later... I actually don't know much about it yet!)
I never realized just how "quick" a quick trip out used to be!!!

Got Kenny in the car seat
Got to car tag place..
Removed Kenny from car seat.. Now he's mad.
Pay tag, takes less than three minutes..
He's even more upset because he wasn't out of his seat long enough to do anything...
Fight with him for four minutes to get back in the seat.
Drive across the street to the gas station.
Get Kenny out of the car seat...
Get inside and decide I should buy him an ice cream and take him to the park..
Pick out the only kid friendly ice cream (orange sherbet push pop... Duh!) and get my box of Spark.
Pay, with help from Kenny throwing my wallet..
Get out to car...
Fight him back into car seat.
I'm ready for a nap.
Drive the five minutes to the park only to find that noon on a Friday brings out every SAHM in my town.
Awesome.
Don't care. My baby and I have a date :)
Get Kenny into the swing (super easy... Loves to swing!) and open the ice cream.
Realize since this wasn't a planned stop, I don't have a rag with me.
Wipes it is.

What a fun trip!!!
We moved to a bench so he could hold it himself..
I can't describe what a wonderful time we had in just 15 minutes or so :)

Great day.

I woke up to the most amazing thing a SAHM can possibly wake up to.
My husband had cleaned my kitchen and done the dishes.
Heaven folks!

I don't like a messy kitchen. I hate it.
But I haven't figured out how to get in there after dinner when it's time to get Kenny down.
We bed share, so it's hard to sneak out and do anything. Besides the fact that I usually pass out as soon as I hit the pillow!

So.
Amazing husband!

Now if I could only find anything in there!

NFL. Sigh.

Ok. Are you ready for my opinion?
No?
Get out then. Because here it is:
In Texas you pick your own switch to get your butt whooped. It's called old school.
No. I haven't seen the photos. You know why? I have better things to look at.
That's not domestic violence.
Punching your girlfriend who then CHOSE to be your wife?
Also not domestic violence.
She's dumb.
She could have just not married him.

I digress.
My point:
Let's say there's a thousand men affiliated with the nfl. Let's just say.
Ok.
If you took a random group of a thousand guys.. Don't you think that a handful are probably slapping around their kids or wife?
Why is everyone shocked?

I don't care what the nfl does. Really.
But why are we punishing everyone when one guy knocked out his girlfriend.
It clearly didn't bother her.

Rant over.

Sunday

It's Sunday.

Does your child sleep through the night?

Mine doesn't.
He's nine months old.
I guess he kind of does? I Bedshare. So he gets to wriggling around and wakes me up... So to keep him sleeping, I breastfeed him. He gets still quickly and I go back to sleep.
So technically he DOES sleep through the night. But if I didn't feed him, we'd be up.

Does your child sleep in until 8-9???
If so.. You're not my friend!
Kenny has a very well put together internal timer.
He poops every day at 4 am.
Every.
Day.
Then he stays up until 8. Sometimes 10.

I'm a sleepy mommy this morning.
Kenny and I had a big day yesterday. So he decided to pass out at 5:30 instead of 8.
So we got up at one to poop :)
It's 6:45. We're still up.

Grandma's Home

I'm 30 and some change.

Like generations before me, some of the fondest childhood memories I've got take place at Grandma's house.

We were fortunate enough to have an awesome grandmother who lived fairly close to us.

I can recall spending long, hot summer days splashing in her pool. Coming out just long enough to run to the other side of the garage to pee behind the lone bush, or being forced to emerge for lunch long enough to inhale food then jump right back in. 

As much as we hated getting out of the pool, we knew whatever we were about to do was probably going to be just as fun. 

Gram made the best tuna fish sandwiches!

She would cut up apples and toss them in with the mayo. 

I have no idea why this was the greatest summer lunch. 

Maybe it's because mom wouldn't add apples for us. Or maybe it was the "Italian" bread? I'm pretty sure you can still buy that bread... But it just doesn't taste the same as it did back then.

I can recall being forced out of the pool after hours of swimming, and standing on the concrete all wrapped up in my towel. We used to hide in our towels and strip down to nothing so we could hang our suits to dry. 

Not that this ever worked. It seemed the next time we went to pop them on... They were still soaking wet and cold :). 

Some days our swimming would end with a walk to the end of her road to Stan's Soft Serve.

This was a roadside ice cream stand. It was a summer staple. You knew summer had come when Stan's opened.

We would grab our cones and head on back.

Gram had the coolest house ever. 

It was two stories and had an awesome staircase. 

Looking back... Not that cool.

But boy, it was a mansion back then. 

There was an old school desk in the stairwell. It was full of paper, and pens, and stickers, and markers, and white out... There was even a drawer that had a bunch of packs of playing cards!

This was  our rainy day fun. (I can't count the hours we played Office on those stairs.)

Not to mention the game and puzzle cupboard... If it rained (thunder and lightning of course!!) we were taken care of. 

As evening fell gram would cook us dinner then we would enjoy quiet time in the living room watching whatever show she was into at the time. 

I need to say:

The woman loved ducks. 

Every room had 30 ducks in it in some way/shape/form. 

The living room had a white glass candy dish. The bottom was the bottom half of a duck. The top lifted off to expose worthers originals. Best day ever if you could sneak one without anyone hearing you!

She had this castle that sat on her side table next to the couch. I don't know the story behind it. I just remember it. It was maybe... 6-8 inches tall and made of some kind of substance that felt like sand. All rough and fragile looking. It sparkled too.. Like there was glitter in the sand.

I was afraid to touch it.

The night would end with us getting a bath and heading off to bed. Sometimes we would sleep on the porch. Listening to the night life through the screened windows.

I can remember laying on that white wicker couch.

Then I would be too scared to sleep so I ended up in the living room on the couch or back up in the guest room bed!

The next morning would bring another heavenly summer day.

Gram always got up at the crack of dawn. She had been a hard worker all her life.

She would get up and make us breakfast. Then we were off to the pool.

I can remember countless days that this was played out.

 

When school started up again, we were back at home every day.

But then came the holidays!

Oh

The holidays!

When I think of Thanksgiving, I think of Gram's house.

Every cousin, aunt, uncle, great aunt, family friend... Everyone you could imagine would be in and out and eat and play and talk... It seems we were there for hours on hours, and those days never ended. I can remember sitting at the dining room table. The smells. The eloquent dining table. My Grandma had (Has!!!) Class.

 

Christmas?

Oh...

Christmas!

Sitting under her small tree.

Curled up with every cousin.

Everyone opening a gift or two.

The smells.

The lights.

The joy.

 

I feel like this generation is missing out.

When I bring my children to my parents house (IF I ever find the time) They're buried in electronics. They have no interest in playing. Nothing can stimulate them mentally.

We used to play with a deck of cards for hours.

Not any more.

 

My parents are no longer married.

My Father lives fairly close.. 2 1/2 hours away. But my Mom lives 1600 miles away. My children have never met her.

They'll never know the warmth of Grammy's hug when they fall down.

Or the cookie that Gram slides them when no one is looking. Or when Mom is looking right at her while she does it. Because she's the Grandma and that's what they do.

 

I feel like gone are the days of family traditions.

It's like pulling teeth trying to get everyone's schedule to connect.

Used to be, Everyone had the same days off. You KNEW that you were going to Gram's House because that is just..

Just...

What you did. There was no question. There probably wasn't even any discussion! We just woke up that day and drove to Gram's house.

 

I miss those times.

I hope that my kids will be able to look back fondly like I can.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Birth Story!

Wow!

I gave birth nine months ago! I won't say that the time flew by.. Because I'm a Stay At Home Mom and some days my day draaaaaaags on… But I will say that the memories of those first few weeks are getting fuzzy so I decided I had better write them down.

Since I was 18 my Doctors have told me that carrying a child was going to be difficult. Since I was 23, they told me to hang it up.
So I became a career driven woman with no time for relationships or sitting in one place. (Hence the two failed marriages..)
In that time frame I had several positive pregnancy tests. They all ended the same. A lot of physical and emotional pain.
I buried my strong feelings of wanting a son of my own down so deep inside that children became a sickening obsession for me. I hated them. I loved to hate them. Everything about kids turned me off because I knew that I would never get the joy of holding my own.
This feeling held true until July 12, 2013. This is the day the Nurse told my excited husband that he was going to have a son. At 15 weeks pregnant, I was finally allowed to feel like this one was going to actually make it 40 weeks.

And I wept.

 I had been on rest since about 12 weeks, so I had an abundance of time on my hands. I searched the web and YouTube for all things pregnancy. I learned as much as I could about pregnancy and Breastfeeding.

I was determined to get the full experience of this one shot that I was given!

 Which meant that I created a Birth Plan. I copied and pasted tons of online plans together, then added and subtracted until I had one right for me :)

I totally wish I had it to share with you. It was out there…
The old cliché Be prepared to throw your Birth Plan out the window… Is true.
I PLANNED for a seamless natural birth. No drugs. No induction. No cesarean.
Then I hit 37 weeks. The contractions started as BH and they were constant. By 38 I was begging my Dr to remove him!!!

Kenny was due Christmas day 2013. I was induced the morning of the 20th.

When I arrived at the hospital I was (Still) only 2 centimeters but my contractions were 2-3 minutes apart.   

We got there on time.. 5:30 am. We had to sit in the hallway for over an hour waiting for a room!!!
I wasn't aware that the Christmas holiday brought so many babies!!!
I stood in that hallway scared out of my mind.. A whole hour. My bags at my feet. My husband and daughter sleepily trying to get comfortable in the hard chairs they had set out for us.
I stood in that hallway knowing that the next time I passed through those doors I would be a mother.
Then they called my name.
Oh, they weren't ready for me yet! Oh no. Then we got to go sit in the nurses station for 30 minutes while they finalized my papers. (Something I had done on line… ggrrrr)

Next thing I knew, I was being led into my room.

I had dressed up for the occasion. I had my favorite red silky maternity shirt on, paired with my long black pants. I had my makeup just so, and my hair was clean and out of my face.

The nurse handed me a gown and things got real.
As I shut myself into the bathroom and removed my clothing the events that were about to unfold weighed heavily.
I stripped down to nothing and slid my arms into the gown sleeves. I did my best to close up the back while gathering my clothes into a ball. I walked out of the bathroom and tossed my clothes and shoes into my hospital bag.

I walked towards the bed.
Passing my husband who was already working on trying to get the guest wifi set up on his iPad. My daughter was doing the same. They were settling in for what should be a long day.

 My stomach growled.

 I climbed into the huge bed and wondered how long something like this actually takes? I had planned for about four hours. That oughta do it. Four hours, no meds, three pushes and we'll be out of here.

The nurses came in and took all my vitals and hooked me up to see how we were doing. That's when she realized I was already in labor. (Something I told them when I got there AT FIVE THIRTY.)

I was two centimeters.

 I had decided that I was going to have to laugh through this ordeal, or I wouldn't make it.

So we joked and the nurses seemed glad that we were all in great spirits.
I figure, make your nurse laugh and you make a friend.. Make her mad and you're never getting your happy pills…

 The Dr finally made her way into my room, apologizing the whole time because there were so many people here today. The hospital has seven rooms.. And over 13 babies that morning.

(Guess those babies didn't read the birth plan.)

 We decided to move things along with a water breakage and Pitocin.

 Ok. At this point in a pregnant woman's mind.. She's fairly certain she knows what a contraction feels like.

You're like.. Ppsshhtt, I've done this for 10 months. I'm good to go.

Then you have one real contraction.

 Drugs please.

I think I didn't make it all the way through that first one and I had threatened Ken's life.
He left the room to go sign me up on that I Need To Have My Wife Medicated Please list.
Because the Anesthesiologist was so busy that day, I had to wait my turn.

I begged for drugs for hours.

Finally the nurse came and said she was going to give me something in my IV.. It wasn't going to do a whole lot for the pain, but I wasn't going to care about it anymore…

She was right.
There's a video somewhere of me telling Ken that I KNOW the pink elephants aren't real.. But they were so cool.
I was high as a kite, and didn't worry about the pain.
That only lasted an hour or so.
I was ready for my Epi.
Took forever for that lovely man to arrive.

He was an angel.

Until I found out that in order for him to work, I had to roll up into a ball and let him get at my back. While having contractions. Ugh.

As I'm trying to roll, my best friend walks in.

I'm screaming.

She sees me hanging off the bed with what looks like a little nurse either pushing me off or trying hard to hold me up.. And a man in a white coat at my back.. Probably looking like he's pushing too.

She freaked.

She's asking what she can do to help.. I'm yelling NOTHING…

Nurse is smiling speaking calmly explaining that we need to focus.. That's a large needle..

I'm yelling.. Friend is scared and ready to break all these people's faces for them to stop hurting me…

 Ken and Kennedy walk back into the room… They had gone to get lunch and returned in the middle of all this mess!

 Anesthesiologist finally speaks for the first time. "Everybody out."

 The room cleared.

I didn't feel anything after that.

Got settled back into bed.

I was three centimeters.

 In limped the family and bff. Timidly asking if they could come in!

We spent the next couple hours watching the contractions on the screen and waiting.
Best Friend went off to work. (Must have been 9-10ish at this time. Work starts at 9)
Ken and Kennedy were so bored. Video games and YouTube had gotten old.
As the morning turned into afternoon.. I became anxious.

It didn't dawn on me at the time, but I had started to push.

The Nurse came in and asked how we were doing. It was about 1:30pm.
She watched the contractions and decided to check how I was progressing. Because I didn't notice I was even pushing, I didn't tell her.
She got all up in there and her smile faded.
She stayed in there a while.
As she took her hand out and removed her glove her smile was gone.
"Well, we're fully dilated! But I want to have a second pair of eyes come on in and check you out."
Then she proceeded to explain that she could either feel his ear.. Or his rear. And if it was the rear, it was a problem.
Less than 30 seconds later another Nurse was all up in my junk… She felt pretty confident that it was a rear they were feeling.. But they needed an ultrasound to be sure.

Only there were none available.
And time was of the essence.
That's when they remembered they had been gifted a hand-me-down, old school, garbage US machine.. They just had to dig it up.
This thing looked like it was from the 70's.
The picture was so bad, and neither of them had ever worked with one this old.. They STILL couldn't tell what we were working with!

 My Dr. stepped in and took one look at the screen. Yup. That head is much too far away from where it needs to be.

She turned to me and said "We're cleaning you an operating room now.

The next few seconds were very scary. My husband was standing at my side looking into my eyes, trying to get my attention. He kept saying, this is ok. You're going to be ok.. This is nothing to worry about.. It will be over before you know it.

(He had been through one before and knew what to expect.)

I on the other hand, had not.

 As the room filled with nurses, I watched one hand Ken The Gown to put on over his clothes. I don't remember much between that moment and the moment of them wheeling me out of the labor room towards the OR. I know I tried to joke with the Nurses and my Doctor, but inside I was shaking so badly I thought I would break bones.

 We got to the OR doors and a Nurse told my husband that he had to wait here.

What?? I had to go alone?
But I couldn't speak. I just watched them open the doors and wheel me in.
Once in they had to move me onto the table.
It felt like there were way too many people in the room.
They started fixing me up to give me a spinal, when a Nurse shouted out..

"Frances, What does Latex do to you?"
What?
Was I hearing this right??
"Condoms.. What do condoms do to you?"
This voice was very rushed and scared me.
But all I could do was laugh and say "Clearly they don't!"

My Doctor looked at me and asked "Are you allergic to Latex?"

"Yes."

The room shut down.

 Everyone knew I had a Latex allergy. It's on every piece of paper that has my name on it.

Somehow this OR was not prepped for that allergy.
They had to shut it down and start over.
Ken says he's never seen anybody work so quickly as this crew did at that moment.

Before I knew it the Anesthesiologist assistant was at my head.
They had given me a spinal and I couldn't move.

I Couldn't Move.

I could see my arms. They were straight out. But I couldn't feel them.

She smiled from behind her mask and said not to worry.. The feeling comes back.
Ken was all of a sudden at my side. It seemed he was very close to my face.
I couldn't think.

She calmly told me that I may feel some pressure here..

I had read that.

Everything you read about c-sections say you feel tugging and pressure.
So I waited for it.

And waited.

But I felt nothing.

I got worried.

I asked "When will you be starting?"
It was at that moment that the Doctor popped her head over the blue curtain and showed me my son.
His eyes were wide open.
He didn’t cry. But I did.

They called Ken away from me to go watch them clean, measure and weigh him.

All of a sudden they were both at my side.

I lifted my hand..

I thought I lifted my hand!
It actually just shifted then fell off the table!

Someone propped it back up for me while Ken placed Baby to my face so I could kiss him.

The Anesthesiologist Assistant offered to take a picture of us.

Ken handed her the phone and as she tried to click a photo.. The Owner of his company called!!!
She was startled! Asked what to do!
Ken told her to please ignore that and take a picture!!!

Pictures shot, they were both whisked away from me and I was left alone with the bustling of Nurses and Crew.

I had read that the putting back together could take upwards to 30 minutes..

So again I asked when they would be done.
But they were. I wasn't away from my family 20 minutes.

 They wheeled me back to the Labor room, which was now my recovery room. Baby was there with a Nurse. Before I could hold him, she was going to clean him up.

This gave me time to calm down some.

She offered to have Kennedy help her with his first bath :)
I watched while Kennedy aided a little and took pictures.

Then I was handed my son.

My Amazing Breastfeeding Journey

Before I gave birth I had a lot of time on my hands.
I will never again complain that I'm bored!
Since I was pregnant the bulk of my internet searching and prayer was on pregnancy.
(Not so much on birth or babies!! What a rude awakening!!!)
But there I was.. On limited rest. With the world at my fingertips. And lots of time...
I learned a whole bunch of interesting pregnancy related information.
But I knew eventually he was going to come out!
So I started looking at Crunchy Parenting.
I wanted to cloth diaper.. But my husband talked me out of that.
I gotta say.. Huge thank you to him!!!
The one crunchy-ish activity that drew my attention was breastfeeding.
I had never planned on having children so I never thought about it.
Here was the time to do so!
I think I watched every YouTube video ever made on the subject. I read every blog.
I was so scared to nurse after watching every horror story ever made!!!
So many people told the scary "I tried to Breastfeed, but after a few weeks of bloody nipples and a baby that was losing weight I had to switch to formula"
Holy cow.
I was scared.
I was in constant prayer.
But I tried my hardest to learn every position, and every trick.
I researched nipple creams, nursing bras and nursing pillows.
I had decided in my head that formula was not an option for me. I just didn't have the money.
Breast it was.

Then he came.

All 7 pounds 7 ounces of him. He was 20 inches of perfection.
And he loved the boob.
From the moment he was born.

Let us take this moment to say.. I went a little crazy with the birth plan.
Ok. A lot crazy.
I'll talk about that in another posting.
Just don't ask my friends.
The short story is, I was scared to death that someone was going to slip something in his mouth that wasn't my nip. I think that by the time I had him everyone in the hospital knew that he was going to be breastfed...
Everyone.
The guy who came in and emptied my trash was told.
Hey, I admitted I went a little crazy. Give me a break.
Well, I ended up with a C-Section.
That was probably my biggest fear.
Not the Section itself.. I was cool with that!
I was scared that I would be "under" and someone would give him a bottle!!
Nope. I was out of the OR in about 45 minutes.
Once they wheeled me back to the Recovery Room I got to watch him scream while my daughter and the nurse gave him his first bath.
Then he was placed on my chest.
It was until this moment that I thought I knew what love was.
My heart grew three times that day. (Sorry.. I had to.)
When he hit my chest, he instinctively started rooting.
I was thrilled.
From that moment on we had a classic textbook Breastfeeding relationship.
Sorry ladies.
Sure I had days when I got frustrated. But never because of him. His latch was perfect from that first moment.

I had read everywhere that you needed nipple cream in order to be successful. As well as an expensive nursing pillow.
Neither are true.
I tried to use cream.. I really did. But it all felt and smelled like chapstick.
Gross.
No matter what I used those first two weeks, the texture just wouldn't work for me.
I turned to coconut oil. While I loved the texture.. I found I just never needed it.
After week two I gave up.
And I never looked back.
I have never had a cracked or chapped nipple.

I had also read that your milk "Comes In" three days after you give birth.
Holy Sakes Alive is this true!!!
I woke up on day three to find rock hard breasts that were squirting uncontrollably.
I'm telling you... I could hit you from five feet away, easily!!!

I had read so many horror stories about "Supply" that I stressed over it night and day. Until week two.
I had such a forceful Let Down that he would choke. Then unlatch. Then get it all over his face.
Then we repeated!
I quit stressing when I realized that My supply just wasn't shrinking. And I praised The Lord.

About four weeks in I developed a yeast infection.
But that was handled with antibiotics.

How do I approach Breastfeeding in public?
Simple.
I feed my hungry child.
I've never been approached while feeding.
I've done it almost every Walmart trip. I've got a baby carrier and I throw him in it to shop. Easy access to the meal tickets.
But I've also fed while in restaurants with no issues.
And at a baseball game.
I dare you to ask me to leave ;)
(Mississippi has Breastfeeding Protection.)

It's insane to think that We've been at this for nine months and he is showing no signs of weaning. My goal is to go as long as he wants. (Of course.. The thought of a two year old hanging off of me is a bit off-putting)


How is Nursing a nine month old different than nursing a nine week old?
Simple.
HE'S MOBILE NOW!!!!!
Kid doesn't sit still!!!!
Which means he doesn't sit still while eating either.
Sigh.

If I don't stand and cradle him I get this:
* Rolling over onto his belly so that he can eat while laying down
* Propping up on his hands and knees so that he can eat like a dog
* Propping up on his hands and knees to THROW himself at my chest, taking a drink, backing off, then doing it again. Over and Over until I pick him up and hold him
* Twisting all the way around (yes, with my nipple in his mouth) so that he can see the TV
* Standing up at the couch and slapping my chest so that he can have a drive through meal
* Waking up at midnight with a child attached to my chest who got into my shirt himself
* Having to tell him way more times than I ever would have imagined.. To please stop standing on my nipple

These are just a few "issues" from last week.
I wouldn't change it for the world!
We have finally figured out that if I sit sideways in the recliner, he can eat and watch TV and this keeps him from running off with my nip in his mouth!!!


Again.. I wouldn't trade it.

I was recently asked what my favorite time has been with my son.
My answer?
Today.
Right now.
Every moment is my favorite.
Even if that means I'm looking at my boob contorted in ways I never thought possible.

Oh.. Yea... So...
He figured out that he has a penis.
My fault.. I thought it was funny to let him walk naked for a few days. Oops.
Well.. He has also figured out that my nipple will get hard if he pinches it.
SMH
He squeezes my nipple like he squeezes his junk.
I uh..
I'm not sure what to think of this.

If you have any advice AT ALL.... Please comment!!!!!

Thanks guys!

Let me know YOUR Breastfeeding story/disaster.

An open letter to parents who have been there:

I'm a first time mom.
I jump at every sound he makes.
I cry inside every time he cries.
My heart swells every time I look at him.
Every time.
I try and catch him every time he falls.
For this I will not apologize.

Please stop giving me That Look.
You know full well which one.
That condescending smile that you keep hidden until you see me pick him up at the first whimper.
Then I hear it.
That sickening Bless Her Heart statement that follows.
"Oh how cute. A first time mom"
This is either followed by a sneer or a story.
"When my children were small..."
"Oh honey, by the time you have two or three.. You won't even care that the pacifier landed on the floor. You'll pick it up and shove it in his mouth"
Then I constantly hear this:
"Changing his diaper again??"
(This one baffles me. Who let's any kid sit in a soiled diaper??)
"You shouldn't pick him up every time he cries"
"You're still breastfeeding?"
"Why don't you give him a bottle?"
"You should get a babysitter. That way he will get used to other people." (Hi. Are YOU going to pay for one??)
"You shouldn't jump on every cry. Let him fuss."
"You're just a first time mom. You'll learn"

Here's the thing.
I can ignore comments. It's easy for me.
But these comments come from other parents.
Parents that at one time were first time parents.
How can you not remember how new it all was.
You were in my shoes.
You had the same fears.
People spoke to you the same way that you are now speaking to me.
Did you like that?
Did it make your parenting journey any easier?

I'm sick of it.
People telling me that I'll get over "it" by the time the next one comes along.
Guess what?
There is no next one.
There wasn't supposed to be THIS one.
My God blessed me huge.
Every Dr I had seen said good luck. No babies for you.
I relive that joy of hearing the words... "Congratulations! You're out of the first trimester. You'll probably carry to term" everyday when I see my son smile.
Folks, I'm going on 35. I'm done having babies.
This is my first and last.
Let me do it my way.
I've never complained that he's crying.
I just pick him up and love on him. Because babies don't cry for no reason.
He can't tell me what's wrong. If my hug makes him happy... Then a hug he gets.

Just.
Next time you see a young mom struggling with a needy baby, or a baby that bumped his noggin, or a baby trying to walk and she's hovering...
Let her.
Quit that garbage smile you're about to pull out.
Bite that tongue.
And remember when you were that parent.

Because all parents were first time parents.

Please stop standing on my nipple. Or: Our Amazing Breastfeeding Journey.

Before I gave birth I had a lot of time on my hands.

I will never again complain that I'm bored! 

Since I was pregnant the bulk of my internet searching and prayer was on pregnancy. (Not so much on birth or babies!! What a rude awakening!!!)

But there I was.. On limited rest. With the world at my fingertips. And lots of time...

I learned a whole bunch of interesting pregnancy related information.

But I knew eventually he was going to come out! 

So I started looking at Crunchy Parenting. 

I wanted to cloth diaper.. But my husband talked me out of that. 

I gotta say.. Huge thank you to him!!!

The one crunchy-ish activity that drew my attention was breastfeeding. 

I had never planned on having children so I never thought about it. 

Here was the time to do so!

I think I watched every YouTube video ever made on the subject. I read every blog.

I was so scared to nurse after watching every horror story ever made!!!

So many people told the scary "I tried to Breastfeed, but after a few weeks of bloody nipples and a baby that was losing weight I had to switch to formula"

Holy cow.

I was scared.

I was in constant prayer.

But I tried my hardest to learn every position, and every trick.

I researched nipple creams, nursing bras and nursing pillows.

I had decided in my head that formula was not an option for me. I just didn't have the money.

Breast it was.

Then he came.

All 7 pounds 7 ounces of him. He was 20 inches of perfection.

And he loved the boob.

From the moment he was born.

Let us take this moment to say.. I went a little crazy with the birth plan.

Ok. A lot crazy.

I'll talk about that in another posting.

Just don't ask my friends.

The short story is, I was scared to death that someone was going to slip something in his mouth that wasn't my nip. I think that by the time I had him everyone in the hospital knew that he was going to be breastfed...

Everyone.

The guy who came in and emptied my trash was told.

Hey, I admitted I went a little crazy. Give me a break.

Well, I ended up with a C-Section.

That was probably my biggest fear.

Not the Section itself.. I was cool with that!

I was scared that I would be "under" and someone would give him a bottle!!

Nope. I was out of the OR in about 45 minutes.

Once they wheeled me back to the Recovery Room I got to watch him scream while my daughter and the nurse gave him his first bath.

Then he was placed on my chest.

It was until this moment that I thought I knew what love was.

My heart grew three times that day. (Sorry.. I had to.)

When he hit my chest, he instinctively started rooting.

I was thrilled.

From that moment on we had a classic textbook Breastfeeding relationship.

Sorry ladies.

Sure I had days when I got frustrated. But never because of him. His latch was perfect from that first moment.

I had read everywhere that you needed nipple cream in order to be a successful. As well as an expensive nursing pillow.

Neither are true.

I tried to use cream.. I really did. But it all felt and smelled like chapstick.

Gross.

No matter what I used those first two weeks, the texture just wouldn't work for me.

I turned to coconut oil. While I loved the texture.. I found I just never needed it.

After week two I gave up.

And I never looked back.

I have never had a cracked or chapped nipple.

I had also read that your milk "Comes In" three days after you give birth.

Holy Sakes Alive is this true!!!

I woke up on day three to find rock hard breasts that were squirting uncontrollably.

I'm telling you... I could hit you from five feet away, easily!!!

I had read so many horror stories about "Supply" that I stressed over it night and day. Until week two.

I had such a forceful Let Down that he would choke. Then unlatch. Then get it all over his face.

Then we repeated!

I quit stressing when I realized that My supply just wasn't shrinking. And I praised The Lord.

About four weeks in I developed a yeast infection.

But that was handled with antibiotics.

How do I approach Breastfeeding in public?

Simple.

I feed my hungry child.

I've never been approached while feeding.

I've done it almost every Walmart trip. I've got a baby carrier and I throw him in it to shop. Easy access to the meal tickets.

But I've also fed while in restaurants with no issues.

And at a baseball game.

I dare you to ask me to leave ;)

(Mississippi has Breastfeeding Protection.)  

It's insane to think that We've been at this for nine months and he is showing no signs of weaning. My goal is to go as long as he wants. (Of course.. The thought of a two year old hanging off of me is a bit off-putting)

How is Nursing a nine month old different than nursing a nine week old?

Simple.

HE'S MOBILE NOW!!!!!

Kid doesn't sit still!!!!

Which means he doesn't sit still while eating either.

Sigh.

If I don't stand and cradle him I get this:

* Rolling over onto his belly so that he can eat while laying down

* Propping up on his hands and knees so that he can eat like a dog

* Propping up on his hands and knees to THROW himself at my chest, taking a drink, backing off, then doing it again. Over and Over until I pick him up and hold him

* Twisting all the way around (yes, with my nipple in his mouth) so that he can see the TV

* Standing up at the couch and slapping my chest so that he can have a drive through meal

* Waking up at midnight with a child attached to my chest who got into my shirt himself
* Having to tell him way more times than I ever would have imagined.. To please stop standing on my nipple

These are just a few "issues" from last week.

I wouldn't change it for the world!

We have finally figured out that if I sit sideways in the recliner, he can eat and watch TV and this keeps him from running off with my nip in his mouth!!!

Again.. I wouldn't trade it.

I was recently asked what my favorite time has been with my son.

My answer?

Today.

Right now.

Every moment is my favorite.

Even if that means I'm looking at my boob contorted in ways I never thought possible.

Oh.. Yea... So...

He figured out that he has a penis.

My fault.. I thought it was funny to let him walk naked for a few days. Oops.

Well.. He has also figured out that my nipple will get hard if he pinches it.

SMH

He squeezes my nipple like he squeezes his junk.

I uh..

I'm not sure what to think of this.

If you have any advice AT ALL.... Please comment!!!!!

Thanks guys!

Let me know YOUR Breastfeeding story/disaster.


UPDATE

I ended up Breastfeeding until he was 24 months old. I had some of the best moments in my life just sitting quietly and watching my son feed. Nothing will ever take those away from me.

Now. The reason I stopped.
I wanted to go on until he Self-Weaned... But he had no stopping point in sight!!!! At about 23 months I started to get chapped nipples. He was still feeding so frequently that I never could get them to heal. Nothing helped. They started to bleed and I just couldn't handle the pain anymore.
So I turned to the bottle :(
Ok.. I turned HIM to the bottle! I was able to very quickly (Like 3 days) get him off of me and onto a bottle at night.
Problem with that: He's 29 months old and stuck to a dang bottle all night.,.. And heaven forbid it go empty!!!!!!!

So. I had the greatest journey and I would do it all over again.

Thanks for reading!

Pray without ceasing. What does that mean to you?

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the Will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 English Standard Version (ESV)

Pray without ceasing. What does that mean to you?
I take it literally. If you're awake, you should be "praying". I think I find myself talking both silently and out loud to God all day.
I just hear myself and I'm like... Oh. I was just praying again.

Does that mean I'm perfect all the time.
Yes.
Ok ok... Don't go asking my husband!!
No!! Not even close.
Am I getting better?
Yes.
I now keep my mouth shut when I quite often want to open it wide and judge someone.
I've also quit engaging in conversations where there's bad mouthing going on.
Mostly.
I'm working on it.
You know the one..

I cannot believe she did that.
Oh my word, me neither!
What a rude, insert colorful words here.

Then the conversation goes on from there.

It's hard to actually say the words, "I'm sorry but I will not be engaging in this conversation if it involves talking about another person"
So I get around it by half heartedly sticking up for the person...
"I don't know if she had a bad day or what... But I agree that that was a bad situation."
Or
"That's not my business."
(Although I DO regularly tell one person that that's not my business or, I don't want to talk bad about so and so...)
Continuously praying brings your conscience to the forefront.
You actually realize that what you're doing may be small.
What you're doing may be in line with the other party.
But what you're doing is wrong.
If you are a Born Again Christian, this is when The Spirit speaks...
Nudging you quietly.
Stop doing this. It is not edifying.

So I try.
I try hard every day.
To Pray Without Ceasing.